bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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