Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
