Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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