Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
