I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
