I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
