talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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