Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
