I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My vagina just clenched in fear
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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