i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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