i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
