Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
