fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
