Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
