By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Randomize
