I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
