I need to stop coming to work sober
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
