She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
