imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
