some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I am available for nakedness
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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