the condom got lost in my hair
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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