These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
