Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
