new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
