Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
