Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just high enough for therapy.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
