doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
