Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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