Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
