I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
