One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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