hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
