do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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