SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize