Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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