ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
no, he came in my armpit
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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