I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
