Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
