He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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