yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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