you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
