Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
