my soul wont recognize me after tonight
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
