I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
