Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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