honey bunches of taint.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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