i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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