Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
