I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
