someone get that fucking seahorse.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I enjoy the company of your penis
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
