Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
